My son earned his black belt in karate over three years ago when he was 14. It was the culmination of years of training, perseverance, and discipline. He’s now 17, an assistant instructor at his karate school, and working toward his third-degree black belt. I’m proud of him, more for his character (who he is) than for his skill level (what he can do, and do well). It’s easy to get caught up in someone’s impressive abilities, raw talent, performance, results, and position of power or influence. This blinds us to the deeper, more meaningful measures of success. I was jolted back to this truth one night in karate class a few months after my son passed his black belt test.
A Black Belt Performance
About three years ago, a father, who was also a student, approached me at the karate school. And he said, "I enjoy watching your son train."
I smiled, waiting for him to compliment my son on his speed, his power, or his knowledge of and skill at the forms. You know… his raw and incredible talent.
Instead, he said, "He's so respectful and helpful. It's a pleasure to watch."
Wow! Talk about humbling!! It revealed to me the hypocrisy between what I teach my sons and my own thinking. It’s the bias we all have, and struggle with: valuing performance & skill over character. This father and karate student saw past any perceived performance and skill to identify what’s most important and most impactful: character. The question for us is: Which do I place the highest value on… Character or Performance?!
When we place a higher value on character than on performance, it changes our priorities. We want to build and strengthen our character, not just maintain it. Just as in karate where they diligently train to work through all the belt levels to attain their black belt, we need to put forth the same effort and time to attain our black belt in character. But just like a black belt... there are more levels to attain!
Character’s Mortal Enemy
We live in a culture that values performance. I fear many of our work cultures also place an extraordinary, outsized value on performance, skills, and results. Yes, performance matters but it's extremely difficult to maintain, exceed, and/or innovate if the foundation on which we build performance and results isn't character.
Many times we say we value character yet adhere to the destructive theory that "the ends justify the means." Sure, not many people will state that philosophy out loud, but we need only observe our own actions to see what's really in our hearts and thoughts! "The ends justify the means" is the mortal enemy of character. To define success this way is to attain a hollow, short-lived success that destroys our character and leadership opportunities.
Fighting this Mortal Enemy
I believe one word sums up what is required: service.
Serving others takes the focus off our own performance and self-worth. It places the focus on improving and inspiring others and building their character. Easy to say? Yes. Easy to do? Absolutely not! But in the process, we build our own character and strengthen the foundation upon which our performance will naturally flow.
Serving means sacrificing our wants and desires so others can achieve theirs. The miracle of serving others is that we are rewarded in ways we may not expect or even imagine. We may realize our own wants, dreams, and desires. Or we may discover new ones. But we're always rewarded with the deeply satisfying knowledge that we are growing and developing others... And in the process, we end up growing and developing. That's my hope for my son.
Inner character, good or bad, comes out in our speech and actions. We can say we value good character, and even tell others they should too. But until our speech and actions show good character we are nothing more than ineffective hypocrites.
I doubt many of the students my son instructs, helps, and interacts with as a karate student and instructor remember his skill level more than how he treats them and the character he shows.
Thoughts to Ponder
To judge people by anything other than their character devalues and demoralizes them. This is true when we are the ones doing the judging, but is equally true when we are the ones being judged in this way!
Performance and results flowing from a solid foundation of good character provide a meaningful measure of success that has a wide and deep impact, endures the test of time, and brings a sense of peace and joy to all that we do.
Questions to ask ourselves:
Does my behavior (speech and actions) reflect the character qualities I desire to have? If not, what do I need to change?
Are my achievements attained at the expense of others, or in support of others?
How do I develop good character? What’s the basis upon which good character is built?
Great story Ken. This really hit home with me.
Hi Ken. Your blog post is timely for me. Loved it. My kids are testing for their yellow belt this weekend. I agree that our society values performance and how one's performance will lead to success. It reminds me of when I worked in corporate and the focus on "driving for results." Character and integrity are equally important. For me a must-have.