I was recently pondering the importance of relationships to leaders. And a vivid memory from almost three years ago popped into my mind. My youngest son was 12 years old at the time and I learned a valuable leadership lesson in our garage. And this lesson applies as much to work and career as it does to personal life.
Back Story - "The Budding Engineer"
My youngest son is our little engineer. His last project was an air cannon he built from PVC piping that uses compressed air as the propellant.
In case you’re thinking he inherited his engineering mind and "building things" talent from me... He most certainly did not! I'm not handy with tools, he has been since he was... oh... probably 3. He can design in his mind and has been drawing in 3-D since he was 8 or 9. I have trouble with 2-D and stick figures.
Yet, he always asks me to help with his projects (the one before the air cannon was a full-size floating arm trebuchet... don't know what it is? Search the internet... I had to!). We couldn't find any clear plans with lists of exact materials needed, and measurements. Apparently I was the only one looking for such a thing... he only needed the idea (thanks YouTube!) and designed his own.
To be honest, I sometimes wonder why he needs my help. He knows much more about how to design and construct things that actually work (thanks again YouTube!). I often feel like a bump on a log. I offer some lame pointers and maybe hold some things to help him.
When we're done with a project, he's bouncing off the walls happy and hugs and thanks me.
And I ask myself, "What did I do??!!"
But I know it's the time we spend together. The conversations we have. The laughs we share. The encouragement and praise I give him. And that he gets to do something he loves to do with his Dad by his side (no matter how much I fumble around or get frustrated).
Current Story - "The Learning Leader"
We only got half-way finished putting together the air cannon that evening. It was time to clean up and he needed to get ready for bed. He wanted to finish it the next night but I didn't make any promises because let's face it... I have lots of responsibilities and I may not have the time for it.
My next thought was to have him take it over to my parent's house because he'll be spending the day there in a few days. My dad, who is very handy (this gene obviously skipped a generation), can help him finish it. And it would probably take half the time it would take me.
But then I remembered that it was our Dad time that was important, not just finishing the project! Why would I intentionally miss the time I could spend with my son just so his project could get done?
The Point
Leadership is relationship. It's a focus on others first. It's placing more importance on someone else's needs and wants than on my own. It's being a servant. My son and his air cannon reminded me of this. Some days I succeed. Other days... well, I think you can guess!
If we make it our priority to build and maintain healthy relationships, we create more trust, more successful work or personal outcomes, and a servant leadership mindset that withstands the tests of time and stress.
Reflections
We're all building something in this life, but are we building it together? With our team? With our spouse? With our kids? It's our choice.
How often do we let the completion of the project, the attainment of a goal, the closing of the sale, the delivery of a product become the focus and miss the opportunities to develop or deepen relationships? I will admit that I fall into this trap too easily.
What about you? How does this play out for you?
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Work gets done through relationships for sure. I didn't always understand this. The more I open up myself to others, the days flow so much easier. And even when you make mistakes, your team gives you grace because you've nurtured the relationship. Good post Ken!
Ken, this comes at the most perfect time. I think people need positivity in today’s world. We have been beaten and battered for so many months that I think being able to see a ray of light, or positivity is something that can help pull some of us forward into the light again. I look forward to the collaboration and thank you so much for remembering me.